The Bollard Bulletin: April 30, 2024
Predatory parking in Portland, redux; Brie Dee at The Jewel Box
WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED
As I type this on a quiet spring morning atop Munjoy Hill, the city’s street-sweeping machines are roaring through the neighborhood again. This being a rare fifth Tuesday of the month, cars are legally parked on both sides of the street, making this the absolute dumbest day to try to clean it. Yet the rumbling continues…
Last month, The Bollard’s delivery Prius was ticketed outside the home office for violating the alternate-side parking rule, even though, due to the remnants of a freakish spring nor’easter, no sweeping was done, and it was obvious none would be performed that day. Having just published a cover story about the city’s predatory new policy of ticketing parked cars for past-due registration, I appealed the ticket. I pointed out that no sweeping was done and that this policy of ticketing and towing cars to make way for sweepers that don’t sweep is clearly unconstitutional in the same way the Justice Department determined Ferguson, Missouri, was breaking our founding social contract by fining people for profit, rather than any public benefit.
My appeal was denied via anonymous e-mail, but the “operator” added this unfriendly advice: “You just need to follow the posted rules and we won't have any reason to issue you a ticket. If we were providing services, your car would have been towed as well as ticketed. When people choose not to follow the rules there are consequences, we would just as soon people followed the rules so we don't have to ticket or tow.”
Just to be clear, that’s complete bullshit. Parking enforcement in Portland, like law enforcement in general, is subjective and corrupt to the core. We can see this in practice every day, citywide, as parking enforcers ignore construction and commercial delivery vehicles brazenly violating parking and traffic laws without consequence. We, the people, generally don’t care about this — we’ll just drive around them — because, unlike our city government, we’re reasonable and kind. We know the delivery person or construction worker is just trying to do their job.
We don’t see all the tickets issued to people with connections at City Hall that get voided or never issued in the first place. We don’t see all the daily fees for occupying parking spots to work on a nearby property that are not charged to favored contractors, often saving them thousands of dollars per job. But believe me, this is business as usual in Portland and it’s been this way for as long as anyone can remember. The beneficiaries of this corruption have told me about it in person (informally, off record, for years and years), so I’m on firm ground when I call this system dirty.
I e-mailed Mayor Mark Dion, every Portland City Councilor, and the city’s Parking Division to protest this and demand they change this predatory policy so there’s no ticketing for alternate-side violations when no sweeping is performed (no harm, no foul, basically; seems reasonable, eh?). Parking Manager John Peverada, a very nice and reasonable guy I’ve known for decades, sent me a courteous reply apologizing for his operator’s curt message, but reiterating the city’s policy — which, in any event, he can’t change; only our elected representatives can do that.
Unfortunately, our elected representatives don’t care to comment on their predatory parking laws. None responded when The Bollard asked for comment about the new registration-enforcement policy for last month’s story, and none responded when I pointed out the fuckery of ticketing and towing people for blocking sweepers when they don’t sweep.
To quote Viqueen’s Lex Rae on “Sinking,” from badmouth: “This city gets away with everything / And if you’re fed the fuck up, let’s hear you sing.” La, la-la…
MUSIC
Blue Portland Maine
Open mic feat. Emma Page
7 p.m., free (all ages)
Gritty McDuff’s
Travis James Humphrey (country, rock, pop)
6 p.m., no cover (all ages)
Flask Lounge
Open DJ night
8:30 p.m., no cover (21+)
Maine Craft Distilling
East Bayside Bluegrass Collective
7 p.m., no cover (21+)
The Jewel Box
Brie Dee (singer-songwriter)
8:30 p.m., no cover (21+)
747-5384
PERFORMING ARTS
Performance by the storied Alvin Ailey American Dance Theatre at Merrill Auditorium (20 Myrtle St., Portland) at 7 p.m. SOLD OUT. 842-0800. porttix.com.
Comedy open mic at Blue Portland Maine (650 A Congress St., Portland), 9:30 p.m., free (all ages). 774-4111. blueportlandmaine.com.